My Truth: When The Therapist Needs a Therapist

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It’s not a fun feeling to realize you’re not okay. 

Which makes me realize, how hard it must be for my students and families to admit that to me..

It hit me the other day how strong of a face I feel I have to put on for the countless people that I support every day at home and at work. I’ve always been taught how important self-care is, and so I’m really not sure why I stopped taking care of myself. 

I’m really good at the getting manicures, treating myself to dessert, sleeping in, buying clothes, and getting an app at dinner kind of self-care.. but the protecting my mental health and happiness self-care.. not so much. 

I’m a 0 to 100 person. There is no such thing as halfway doing something in my dictionary, and on top of that, I’m a people-pleaser to the core. I hate conflict and I hate when people are disappointed in me. 

That combination can be a toxic one. 

When I decided to start this platform, I sincerely underestimated how much effort it would take. I jumped head first, all the way in and did not stop. 

A few weeks later, we got disappointing news on our house. It hasn’t been resolved yet, so I can’t share full details, but it has been incredibly gut-wrenching and full of adult decisions. Because I can’t talk about it much, it’s been pretty isolating.

Then on top of that, Matthew’s work hours left me home alone often. I know that it could be a lot worse (seriously thank you for your service and sacrifice first responders and military families), but it was something I was not prepared for. I was fully expecting Matthew to essentially have a 9-5, but that was proven to not be the case. I was left to cook dinner, take care of our dog Riggs, make phone calls, schedule appointments, fill out paperwork, pay bills, basically maintain the house alone.. everyday. It sounds dumb, but it really took a toll on me.

I’m also in a period where all my friends’ lives are starting to get busier, along with mine, and we are starting to have different responsibilities and priorities. I’ve noticed that friendships have shifted and it can be heart breaking. It left me feeling helpless and once again, alone.

Everyone deals with so much, but I always felt like I needed to keep it together. PLUS, I help other people figure out their stuff, so why couldn’t I manage mine?

I got home from work one day and it hit me. I’m not okay. 

The only word I could use was lonely. I’m so lonely. Matthew’s gone a lot, we have house stuff we can’t talk about, I don’t see friends as often, not a lot of people understand my work, I hear everyone else problems, but nobody hears mine.. I just felt alone. 

And maybe you are feeling that way too or maybe overwhelmed or anxious or exhausted.

So what do you do about that? Two words. 

SELF. CARE. 

If self-care is not a part of your routine, or it needs to be improved,
these are some things that I am trying to implement more
and maybe will inspire you too. 

1. Taking care of my physical health: eating better, drinking more water, getting more sleep, getting outside, and exercising more.
2. Saying NO. And reminding myself that saying no doesn’t need an excuse and it definitely doesn’t need the guilt that comes along with it. You cannot take care of anyone else if you are not fulfilling that need you have. Plus isn’t it empowering to do something FOR YOU?
3. Part of saying no includes actually scheduling time for yourself and putting it into your routine. Quiet time for the first 20 minutes of your morning, Friday night movie night with friends, whatever it is.. protect it. 
4. Finding ways to take breaks, even if it’s 2-3 minutes of a mindless break. 
5. Reflecting on one good thing (or more) that happened during your day before bed. Matthew is so great about asking me, “what’s one good thing about your day?” even if it’s been a horrible day. It’s really helped me keep perspective. 
6. Ask yourself, does this matter 5 minutes from now, 5 days from now, 5 months from now, 5 years from now? Problems can seem so magnified until we take time to slow down and see if it’s really worth the stress. 
7. Leaving work at work. Make it a point to not think/talk about work as soon as you walk out the door, get in the car, or get out of your car at home.
8. Do a body-scan meditation. They sound crazy, but you can almost feel the air calm around you. They’re available on Youtube or other apps where you can find a reader who you like.
9. Choose kind. Always. Kindness to yourself, to others, and just give it freely. There’s nothing more freeing than choosing to give grace and be nice. 

I have to remind myself: self-care is NOT selfish. 

I started this account as a way to inspire people, give people hope and connection, and share some kindness into the world. Through this, I have realized I needed to take care of myself.

I had gotten away from sharing about mental health, as I felt like because I was not in a good place with my own, I was not in a place to help others with theirs. 

But I realized I’m never going to be an expert, and so through my journey, I hope to help others through their journey. 

You’re never alone. 

 

Xo,
Hallie